This blog post has been a long time coming. What is that? How do you know if your soul needs healing? I did a quick google search on “how do I know my soul needs healing?” Several metaphysical sites popped up. Are we the only groups asking these types of questions? I read articles that outlined 4 Signs, 7 Signs, 3 Signs. All of the ones outlined spoke to me. They have all been present in my life for months, maybe years. The two signs that has been floating around in my head and heart were: the constant desire to cry and the lack of connection/ motivation to do anything. Great things happened I would care less. I was bitter and angry and I couldn’t place the feeling or the emotion. I also just wanted to cry all the time. My whole hearted belief in Assata Shakur’s words could never come out of my mouth without tears. Even at the thought of the words. “It is my duty to fight for freedom. It is my duty to win. We must love and respect one another. We have nothing to lose but our chains.”
Earlier in my posts and throughout several platforms I have shared that I was pretty depressed last year. Severely is probably a better word for it. I felt like the Disney Sadness Emotion character. Sadness is something I am not new to. I have been a sad person most of my life. My upbringing was very emotional and I constantly struggled with self esteem and worth issues. I have learned to work through those thoughts and insecurities. They come back and I have to do the work all over again. I am a great and caring person. I give more than receive and I have learned to be more comfortable with that.
What happened last year though, was different. There were thoughts and emotions that were very unfamiliar to me. Some of them scared me. I started spiraling into a scary abyss and didn’t see a way out of it. I tried meditation, counseling, Tarot and energy readings. I also tried telling my partner. None of that worked. One reader asked me where and what I was sad about. He was probably the only person that could see it so plainly. Other people I had to tell. I didn’t even know how to verbalize my anger and sadness. Sadness for the world and what we allow to happen to our fellow earth inhabitants. War, rape, murder, homelessness, deportation, and so much more we don’t know or talk about. I asked myself what the purpose of this world was and our role in it? How is there a heaven and a hell if this world seems like hell to me? I am not doing enough to help people. How can I enjoy my life knowing that people are out there dying? These things don’t make sense to me even now I as type these words.
I understand these words are dark. I am sorry if they are uncomfortable. I can’t mask where my feelings were at that time. I can only share so that if you say” that is how I feel today, right now,” you know that you are not alone. We are humans and we are all connected. While we pretend to have only our family groups, we are all connected. Some of us let the greed of money and luxury block out our connections to everyone. Others feel a sense of anger, sadness, and drowning and it becomes too much. And some brave people choose to take action. They rally, they protest, they create and hold space. They but even that must be exhausting, they have shared that it is. Ask Asha Bandele and Patrisse Cullors who wrote: When They Call You a Terrorist. We live in an economist society where nothing is sacred; only money. Money is sacred and God. That does not mean however, that we have to give up fighting or helping.
I am better now. It took a proactive anger towards counseling and the immediate need to prescribe meds to push me into a holistic approach. Exercising wasn’t enough. Talking about it wasn’t either. I had to go back into myself and understand that I wasn’t doing anything for me. I was working and living with someone but I wasn’t really doing anything for me. What are my tastes and likes. Am I vocal enough about it? What hurt? Why was I constantly feeling like this? I re-found Tarot; a love that was on and off for me for over 10 years. That was step two. Exercising was step one, but that doesn’t always make its way into my life. Tarot though, is something I am re-committed to. Not just because I think I’m good or have strong intuition. What the Tarot did was remind me that WE are all connected. Our own insignificant decisions do cause a ripple in the cosmos. They are not insignificant. They matter and we matter. It pushes something else or someone else into one action or the other. You have to ask yourself, is that in a positive direction, or is it a negative one. Am I hurting someone with my actions, beliefs, or ignorance about a subject? Do I perpetuate stereotypes or the ill treatment of others through any of my major/minor actions in life. And the truth is we do. The coffee we buy and the articles of clothing we purchase in some way shape or form does just that .
This brings me to the term All Our Relations. It is a Native American Saying. According to Emily from Traditional Native Healing says the following: All my Relations or Mitakuye-Oyasin (pronounced mi-TAHK-wee-a-say or Mee-tah-koo-yay Oy-yah-seen) is a saying in the Obijway or Lakota language meaning We are all related or All are related. I wholeheartedly believe that. We are all connected to each other. And when we realize what we’re doing to each other and to the planet we will transcend into a different state of consciousness. This belief and the knowledge of what was/is happening in the Black community is where Assata’s words come from. She desired for her people to be free of violence and hatred. She wanted to be part of their
It seems like I digressed and I did. I at first thought “I’ll come up with ways to help people. These are my tips for you to help heal your soul.” However, there is no one formula cures all. Medication wasn’t for me, but will it help you? I am naturally an introvert but being around people lately gives me energy. Ask yourself what hurts? Where does it hurt and why? What makes you happy or at least what made you happy? Have you shared how you feel with others? Telling others didn’t help me all that much but I am not angry about that. People don’t know what to do with sadness or sad people for that matter. But maybe if I had someone that would just allow me to be sad without saying it would be ok. Maybe that would have helped. Or finding a counselor that would respect my desire to not take medication. My turn around didn’t happen in one day or even a couple of months.
My heart and soul needed healing and they still do. I no longer feel unmotivated but I still have the constant need/desire to cry. That means my soul is still healing. It may not ever be completely healed. We are crossing a year into my original sadness and I am better. I take it one day at a time and I try to live my life by helping others when and where I can. I know that if the world suffers, so do I. When the world is happy I am too. It is because I am connected to them and to you. Understanding this provides me with hope. I choose to be hopeful and loving. I choose to be a light. That is the only way I can live my life. I have to say something when I see something that is not correct. That helps my soul. It helps my conscious. What works for you?
It is ok to ask for help. Tell people how you feel. The ones that stick with you they may have already been in that state. They may offer insight or at least a hug. Remember that we are connected and people can’t fix you but they can be there for you.
Sharing Love and Posivity MOST of Always,